Meeting Retreat

Yesterday was my meeting's sort-of-annual retreat. We invited a Friend from Friends General Conference's Traveling Ministries Program to conduct an inreach/outreach workshop with us.

I've been feeling for a while that it would be helpful to have a skillful facilitator from outside our meeting to work with us, and my experience of the retreat confirmed this feeling for me. The queries that we considered that I'll paraphrase here were not so different from ones we've considered in the past: What brought you to this Meeting? When do you feel valued in meeting? When do you feel distance? How do you contribute to a loving community? How does the meeting nurture a loving community? But there's something about having an outside person pose the questions, and then be available to sensitively monitor the group response, that takes us to a deeper place than we can usually get to on our own. I especially appreciated the way in which she negotiated moments of conflict/tension when they arose. I was sort of surprised that any conflict did arise, and I take it as a good sign that people felt comfortable enough to move past our "company manners." Elaine welcomed the conflict, amplified and reflected back to us the differing perspectives in the room, and kept the conversation open. One insight that she shared was particularly helpful for me: in any community, there are rare times when everything is in harmony, and times when one or more things are out of harmony. That tide of harmony, disharmony, and resolution is constantly shifting, and it's normal. What's problematic is when the conflicts get swept under the rug. It starts to get really lumpy under there, and we all start tripping all over the place!
We spent most of the afternoon considering Eight Essential Qualities of Healthy, Growing Churches, adapted from Natural Church Development by Christian Schwartz. If I get around to it, I may post more on these qualities. Right now, though, the one that has captured my attention is

Holistic Small Groups: In growing churches each person feels part of a loving community. This is done by integrating congregants, new and old, into small groups in which the meaning of terms like "loving relationships" can be practically expressed through the life of the group. Members and attenders need a place where they can raise issues of immediate personal concern.

Elaine spent a lot of time on this idea with us. She explained that new people who come to meeting encounter a web of relationships. New small groups allow new relationships to form, and put everyone on more equal footing. She emphasized that the small groups don't need to be overtly spiritual: any passionate interest can be the seed of a new small group. This discussion brought up an important query for me: what might we need to let go of? Many people in meeting remember a time when the hiking group was a vibrant part of the life of the meeting. I was one of the Friends that tried to revive it. My mistake was to try to take on the passion of another-- with the probably predictable result that a fair amount of time was spent discussing how "things sure aren't like they used to be!" A vital group has to come from current passions and interests, not remembrances of things past.

As is often the case with such events, I had to force myself to go in the morning. I had a case of the grouchies for sure: why does it have to be all day? On a Saturday? At 8:30? Why isn't so-and-so here? I'm cold! I had to laugh at myself as I slowly discovered that I was having a good time! I'm grateful to the retreat committee for organizing this retreat, and for all the people who were able to come.