Heart and Mind Prepared

Come regularly to Meeting for Worship, even when you are angry, tired, or spiritually cold. Bring your joys and your hurts, and the needs of other people. Accept and support each other in the community where God dwells among us. As you do so, you may find the grace of prayer...
[Query:] Do I come to Meeting with heart and mind prepared for worship?
Faith And Practice, Pacific Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends

I found myself in a funny state today. I am often taken with an inexplicable surge of affection for the people in my meeting community. I am also often taken with (to me, less inexplicable) surges of irritation. I think today might have been the first time I was overtaken with both, in nearly equal measure. Yesterday's retreat clarified my attachment and love for my meeting community, and also left me vulnerable to the ways both petty and profound that I can feel hurt by it. Is this how a crab feels when it molts?

And what does this have to do with being prepared, you may well ask. I'm not sure I know. I do know I often pray for an open heart, though clearly I don't know exactly what to do when my prayer is answered. I pray, too, that I am faithful, that we are faithful, especially when I find something arising within me or without that troubles me. I'm a little surprised when that prayer is answered, too, which I think is probably a little, well, faithless.

Nonetheless, today I got a bit closer to the way I'd like my Sundays to be. I made it to both meetings for worship, and heard God speaking in each. I did my nametag duty with a glad heart. I had lovely conversations that went beyond "so how ya doing?" with a couple of dear friends. I made time to call my aunt and some other folks I haven't seen in a while. I went for a walk in the cemetery. I even did laundry. Not a bad way to start another week.