More Thoughts on Spiritual Hospitality

In the FGC Gathering interest group on spiritual hospitality, Martin Kelly quoted a Quaker author who said that attenders should join a Meeting if they felt comfortable with the community (Martin, help me here. I can't recall the author, plus I suspect I garbled the quotation completely). One of the questions Martin raised was whether feeling comfortable in our Meetings should be the goal. I've been reflecting on that question for a while, as it comes up frequently in discussions with Friends. One thing that bothers me about this idea of comfort is that it seems to let both the prospective member and the Meeting off the hook-- if comfort is the standard, no one has to change, right? Just keep looking until you find a comfortable Meeting. Sort of like trying on shoes. But to be fully a part of a community means being profoundly uncomfortable at times. As Chris wrote in his comments to my first post, it may mean literally chasing someone down the street! Surely an uncomfortable situation. At other times, being part of a community requires a "theology of the lead butt," to quote Will's wife, Bess. You stay in the room and labor with those with whom you disagree, and whom you might not even like. Again, not comfortable.

So if not comfort, then what? I love Martin’s notion of a culture of Friendliness from his comments to my earlier post. But how do we get there? As a start, I would hope that Friends everywhere would begin to pay attention to the people around us, the ones we don't know and the ones we do. May we all strive to be elders in the best sense of the word: attending to one another, nurturing, encouraging, listening for how God intends us to manifest Light within our relationships.

Martin commented that a culture of Friendliness is more important than an infrastructure, that Meetings can have all sorts of mechanisms in place and still be cold to newcomers. I absolutely agree that spirit trumps form any day. Drawing on my background as an elementary teacher, I will say that rarely is there culture without infrastructure. In my classroom, I want to be a part of a learning community, where respect for one another, curiosity, mutual accountability and support all thrive. To get there, I have to establish routines that allow these characteristics to flourish. Similarly, supportive structures (nametags, regularly scheduled meetings for attenders, etc.) are enormously helpful as we try to manifest our welcoming intentions in Meeting. The problems with leaving it solely to individuals who feel friendly are many. One, Quakers draw more than our fair share of introverts, and thus we need a little help getting outside ourselves. Otherwise, we tend to leave it to the “weighty Friends,” whoever they are. Also, personal friendships within the Meeting aren't enough to make an attender feel welcomed into the body of the Meeting. Additionally, individuals can burn out or move on, and with no structures in place, the concern can be dropped.

I believe that each person who attends on First Day is called by God to be there. If we are faithful ministers to one another, we can grow in love and unity and live up to our measure of Light, within in our Meetings and beyond. Hmm. Maybe the idea of Meeting as a comfortable pair of shoes isn’t so bad. After all, you don’t put on your work boots to sit on the couch and watch TV. You put on your boots to wade into the muck to do your work in the world.